Adventures in Maggotland Pt 2

I would like to take up where my last post left off, outlining the antics of my fucked up friends for your amusement and disgust. We now move on to the next maggoty madam.

2. Hayley
Unlike Deanna, Hayley is not a serial maggot. She is more of an intermittent contributor, soaring to the heights of drunken debauchery and plummeting just as quickly in to a sticky vat of cringe. Eventually she emerges chastened and vowing 'never to drink again'. Yeah right!

There is an air of disarming innocence about many of her exploits, despite their sometimes ribald nature. On a recent night out she proclaimed often and merrily that she would like to gang bang the whole band. I did suggest that she stop saying it to her husband but she was not deterred by this wowserish behaviour on my part. Neither was she phased by my protestations at her attempts to set me up with any bloke in sight, several of whom were ex-husbands of close friends. Complications? Nah! And when I refused, once again, to chat up random dregs and barflies she responded that my 'standards are way too high.' Ever the optimist Hayley pops on a pair of rosy beer goggles and sees spunks where only tragics tread. This benevolence has not rubbed off on me and I am steadfastly remaining celibate in the face of such temptation.

All too often Hayley's high spirited romps end in projectile vomiting; an exercise mostly undertaken naked in the front yard at 4am. Contrite text and facebook messages follow at a later stage of the day. A hibernation period of several months then ensues during which time she regains her composure. Eventually she emerges ready for fresh adventures and blithely oblivious to any past faux pas. Bless her!

Stay tuned for Adventures in Maggotland Pt 3 or how Kimmy ruined my life...