Six of Fifty-two: Negligent Parenting

Danger: 7/10 – I was in serious danger of getting a matrimonial arse-kicking.

Excitement: 5/10

Satisfaction: 2/10 – it was nice to find the little bugger.

To be repeated: 1/10 – what can I say? I’m vague: it’s probably inevitable

It was a hot day in my city. IT was a birthday party. The city’s party. We’d spent all the money we had on pony rides and icecream. My wife and I had a slight edge on the kids in the exhaustion stakes, but only just.

The Roary Stage show was just a distant memory. Spark and Plugs, the dancing bimbos brought along to entertain the three year olds, had looked vaguely familiar from the Ben Ten stage show at the local mall from the last holidays. Roary, the Prima Donna, had put in disappointing performance which involved moving his eyes but remaining stationary otherwise. (The main banana my arse.)

The kids were semi-undercover following a run-in with the facepainting fairies. What a bunch of bitches. By the way, “Petal”, despite what you heard his aunt saying to unbreak his little heart, that was a bullshit Batman you put on Kai’s face. I’ve farted better batman masks. I tried not to believe in you but you didn’t disappear, so I don’t think you’re even a real fairy.

In a last roll of the family-fun dice we took one of the kids to the free skateboarding lesson. It seemed to consist of putting on pads and a helmet and standing Leroy stationary in a half-pipe. I guess that’s start. Maybe next year they’ll let him try moving a bit.

Meanwhile my other son went a-wondering. We found him quite a long way away, weeping like a fountain (although thankfully improving his clown facepaint). It must have been fifteen minutes before we noticed he was gone. How do I know that? Because when I found him he’d managed to try to break into every side-show ride, only to be turned away. Why? Not because he was a two year old without a parent but because he was a kid without a ticket.

It was a scarey few minutes. Thanks to the Qball family for dropping everything to cover the exits and thanks to the bloody carnie fairies who alerted us to whereabouts by making him howl.

This is one event to be avoided from now on. Highly not recommended.