Five of fifty-two: The Tuffster

Danger: 1/10

Excitement: 5/10

Satisfaction: 7/10 – long term itch scratched

To be repeated: 1/10 – customized and unique

Since in 1985 it was generally accepted that owning a fully functional light sabre or Corvette Stingray was unfeasible for average eleven year old, the ultimate in cool was to own a BMX bike with Tuff Wheels. Back in ‘85 failed to achieve any of these things. Tuff Wheels, for those of you who were not even cool enough to know this, are those plastic spoked stylin’ wheels which make their metal- needley cousins look like technology so old they may as well be triangles carved of stone.

Now, I’m aware that “coolness” has more skeletons in its closet than the British Museum and Tiger Woods combined. Who’s so-hot-right-now moments aren’t now their most embarassing cringe-worthy Polaroids? (fingerless gloves and leg warmers for me.) Who hasn’t secretly looked back at a horror fashion moment with revisionist warmth as the look swings back into fashion and your cast offs become ebay hot-cakes after years in the St Vinnies wilderness?

Given fashion is so subjective, I would like to think that I can suspend my sense of vogue to embrace an opportunity that never presented itself to me in its in-fashion window. In 2010 my bike now boasts Tuffs.

The bike in question was given to me for my 30^th birthday. It’s a Repco Santa Cruz. I proudly used to get around the community I lived in at the time. Yeah, it was a try-hard Raleigh Chopper, but what they heck: it had red-wall tyres and a sparkly seat. It was so cool riding it could lead to frost-bite of your inner thights. In the height of summer people would chuck into their pools to lower the swimming temperature. But there was still something missing: the spirit of ’85.

You can imagine my joy, then, when I noticed on the work classifieds, a BMX with tuff style wheels. For hardly anything. “Don’t you think we should buy this for our son,” I said to the wife. “It looks like a good bike and we can put it away until he grows into it….” I already had a picture of the dragster, bedecked with tuff wheels, in my mind. Was it wrong of me to hide behind the future bike-needs of my four year old boy? Yep, but no more wrong than forcing him to live out my childhood fantasies. Besides, he’s too busy studying for his law degree to be playing with bikes.

It didn’t take me long to pull the bits off the BMX to Frankenstein up the Santa Cruz to be street worthy. Nay, catwalk worthy. Now, it looks awesome. I can’t wait to unleash it on the world. However, before I unleash the ultimate cool and bring premature winter to my street, I would be honoured to present to you… the Tuffster.

One of my best mates in 1985, Mark Rickert, died on 20 February 2010. My memories of him are old, but they’re all really happy, and he was undoubtedly a contributing factor to my fantastic early years. My thoughts go out to his family and friends as they come to terms with his loss. RIP.